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All the words, keep flooding my mind. They have been for quite some time.

Why do you feel the need to share?
What kind of difference can you make?
Do you really think you can help anyone?
What if people think this is stupid?
What if no one reads it?
What if I can make a difference?
What if it reaches just one person?
What if you truly love to write?

They kept going and going and going…..scared, confident, excited, apprehensive…..etc…..

If there is one thing that will be clear to you after spending just a little time with me…..I am going to tell it like it is, with a kind heart of course, but I hope to be a voice of reason, encouragement and support in your life (and my own), despite my fears. Oh, and I talk to myself, ALOT!

It’s just who I am.

Level-headed, honest, trustworthy, kind, faithful, loyal, motivated, loving and even a bit witty (aka snarky).

In the spirit of the aforementioned honesty, can we get real for a second? I set up this template for my blog 1 year ago. Sheesh!! My goal was to start writing and to have it stocked and ready to go by January 1, 2018. Then…..I lost my words.

You might be wondering, “lost your words”, Nicky?

Yup, that’s what happened. For the previous 2 years, I had shared my health and fitness journey in a very public way. For Pete’s sake, I posted before and after shots with my abs showing! (P.S. I didn’t own a 2-piece swimsuit until I was 37!) So needless to say I had flipped fear the bird!

It was scary, challenging, invigorating and I felt like I was making a difference in a handful of lives. Truly, I loved it, and felt that I had found my “place”… until it became a burden, an internal battle was beginning to rage. The comparison game endlessly occupied my mind and I started to really feel like a failure. Social Media was sucking my energy. I felt like I could never live up to the top coaches that I had so idolized. I felt like people were getting the wrong idea about me.

I value my privacy. I don’t want to share everything about myself, yet that’s what the industry was encouraging me to do. I felt it was teaching me that unless I spilled all the beans on myself day in and day out there was little chance of success. I felt very discouraged and quite embarrassed. Embarrassed mostly because I had a few great friends join me in that endeavor (It was an MLM.) and I knew I was letting them down. (PS. I still use the products every day and would still recommend them!)

Ironically, (you will also learn that I don’t believe in irony or coincidence) some VERY hard times were about to come storming into my personal life. Things I NEVER saw coming and NEVER dreamed I would be put to the test with, literally tip-toeing their way to my doorstep.

NOTE: Out of respect for my sweet family of 4, I am not going to divulge the details of this time in our lives at this time. Maybe someday I will, but not right now and I’m sure you can respect that. If you can’t….well, then this may not be the place for you.

It was in that time that I lost my words.

I was literally unable to come up with anything inspiring to say to myself, let alone anyone else. I was barely holding on to showing up as a decent wife and mom. All of my energy was spent trying to figure out my own life, fearing the future and trying to manage life’s responsibilities.

Truth be told, I napped a lot and was completely fearful of slipping into a depression, which I had known too well in the past.

I was the one that needed all the words that I would have normally shared with my online community…..but I didn’t believe them in that time and I am NOT a good liar. It was almost as if a part of me died. I was scared and sad. How did I get here?

It was in this season of my life that I was SO IMMENSELY grateful that I had spent hours upon hours reading inspirational, non-fiction, self-help, educational books. It has become engrained in me, even when I denied it most. I relied heavily on my spirit, because even though I thought I didn’t believe it, my soul kept whispering the words to me, nudging me along like a kind, sweet friend. It knew I could find my way out.

I began to fight for it. I dug and dug into those books. I read about love and what it means to forgive. I read about courage and what that truly looks like. I literally hit my knees asking God for answers. I got more in touch with my soul and the core of my being than I had ever been. I learned to surrender. (My mentor and dear friend opened my eyes to this. Thank God for her!)

A positive light amidst the struggle was my fitness habit and I pressed on with that, even though I was exhausted and there were hardly any visible results of it. (Truthfully those workouts were horrible and I cried during them a lot!) It was a WIN though…when I desperately needed a win. I cannot fathom what my mental capacity would have been had I not consistently maintained that habit. It saved my life.

Good habits save lives!

Flash forward……to nearly one year later…….and I feel like I am still slowly emerging from the biggest trial of my life thus far, as SUCH a better human. I am more compassionate, patient, and loving. I feel like I needed to be broken to truly see what I am capable of in my life, which brings me back to this blog.

Why on earth do I want to start a blog?

Honestly?

I have so many words and so many ideas and so many conversations that I want to have with you. I want to give you a place where you know you are not alone, where you can laugh and where we will undoubtedly cry a bit.

I want to give you a place to discuss the hard times of parenting, all the while, celebrating the awesomeness that it is. Let’s spend time talking about marriage and what it truly means to do the work. We will discuss books, nutrition, fitness and how we don’t have to absolutely LOVE it every day. Let’s talk about the strongest muscle in our body and why we should all work so hard on getting our minds right. First and foremost…I want to know YOU!

I am a person of very few close friends, but I crave community like a satisfying piece of smooth dark-chocolate. I believe being part of something bigger than yourself is vital.

I want to create that right HERE.

I want to surround myself with amazing women who can come to the table openly, knowing that their heart won’t be hurt and that their point-of-view will be handled with the utmost care. I also want to share those big belly laughs that leave you crying for more!

I invite you to join me for this ride.

Trust me when I say that I have a destination in mind, the route is a little hazy but that’s what makes this exciting. I am not a trained writer and I have never done something quite like this. Honestly, I am most excited because this scares the crap out of me and I have learned that the only things worth doing are the things that scare you just a bit!

So, welcome sweet lady friend! Men are welcome here as well, but do know that I will ALWAYS be writing for my ladies!

I want you to know that I appreciate, respect and adore the person that you are at the core of your being. Life is hard and amazing all at once, and your doing it like a star! I love that you are here and I will never take you for granted.

If this feels like it could be a good fit for you and you want to get notified when my posts come out please subscribe to my list. Also, please comment below on anything that you would like to discuss here on the blog. I would love to dig deeper into what interests you and serve you in the best way possible!

This is gonna be so fun!

With gratitude,
Nicky

Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash